By Megan Cohen

1. The web browser you use is like your political party.

When your son brings his girlfriend home for Thanksgiving, he’ll tell her, “Don’t mention Internet Explorer to my family, it’ll set them off.” Just one mention of your browser’s rival will launch you into a heated debate.

2. Comic Sans is your sworn enemy.

Your teacher will ask why you weren’t paying attention, and your (completely accurate) reasoning will be the distracting font used for the notes. How can anyone expect you to learn when Comic Sans is staring into your soul?

3. Your fingers have permanent indents from the keyboard.

Oh no, are you okay? Of course you are, you just spent the past two hours blogging. Your fingers may look all bent out of shape, but at least the entire world knows how much you hate the latest action film.

4. Any amount of natural light blinds you instantly.

Yes, this is cliche, but at least admit it’s a serious problem that one look at the outside world causes you immense pain. Don’t be afraid to open the blinds, or–if you’re feeling adventurous–go outside.

5. You spoon your laptop as you go to sleep.

Who needs one of those stuffed arm pillows when you’ve got your Macbook? Nothing allows for better sleep than your true soulmate: technology.

6. Everything you think is in the form of a reaction GIF.

When someone says something you disagree with, you imagine a GIF of your favorite actor scoffing in disapproval. A GIF is worth a thousand words.

7. #6 just made you think of a particular reaction GIF.