- You have to warm up before climbing a flight of stairs.
Ten steps means ten miles to you, so before you start making your way up this mountainous stairwell, you better stretch those hamstrings.
- The only lifting you do is the remote to play the next episode.
Sure, exercise is important, but Orange is the New Black is very important, and you’re all about prioritizing.
- You go to the gym for their vending machines.
While everyone else is slaving away on the treadmills and ellipticals, you’re watching your favorite bag of chips being dispensed (why do they have vending machines, anyway?).
- Changing clothes makes you break a sweat.
You look like you’ve just run a marathon, but in reality, you just had to change your shirt before you went to your friend’s house.
- You haven’t run since 2009.
Late to a job interview? Wild bears chasing you? Doesn’t matter, you’ll still just be fast-walking.
- Out of order elevators are your worst nightmare.
If your dentist is on the fifth floor of a building with no working elevators, it looks like you’re not getting your wisdom teeth removed for a while.
- You drive your car down the driveway to get the mail.
Let’s face it, a hundred feet is a hundred feet too many.
