Horoscopes

By: Lili Samios
Aquarius: January 20 to February 18-
For the next seven days you should stay indoors at all costs. The stars say the weather is conspiring against you.
Pisces: February 19 to March 20-
Today is your lucky day. Play some cards or roll some dice, the world is dealing you good hands.
Aries: March 21 to April 19-
This month you should try something brand new, join chess club, decide to play softball, or even take up knitting.
Taurus: April 20 to May 20-
Everyone has a friend that is incredibly annoying, so this month let them know, your honesty may be refreshing, or it may get you hit in the face.
Gemini: May 21 to June 22-
The stars tell me that at some point in your life you did something that you regret, this month try not to do anything regretful.
Cancer: June 21 to July 22-
One day this month pour whatever you are drinking on someone’s head, for no other reason than to see how they react. It is a good way to tell who your real friends are, they would take a bullet, or a drink for you.
Leo: July 23 to August 22-
Your lucky food of the month is gooey mac and cheese, but it only works if it is gooey, normal mac and cheese will bring you bad luck
Virgo: August 23 to September 22-
Luckily for you the stars say your lucky season this year is summer, so I wish you well on your many escapades! But I warn you to watch out for winter.
Libra: September 23 to October 22-
For the next three days technology is not your friend. Things will be deleted from you r computer, mysterious things may appear, and it is highly likely that your TV will fall on you unless you keep a safe distance.
Scorpio: October 23 to November 21-
The stars say you will meet someone this month, but then again the stars rarely know what they are talking about.
Sagittarius: November22 to December 21-
Do you not have many friends? DO not fear! The stars have told me that talking to yourself has gone back in style, so argue away!
Capricorn: December 22 to January 19-
The stars tell me that if you want to get your grade up in any class this quarter, don’t reduce yourself to sucking up! Do some actual work, I know it sucks, but unfortunately it is occasionally necessary.