By Danny Sedlazek

Like an expert haberdasher inspecting the poor seams on a Nike golf hat, I was watching the VMA’s this year with an air of disappointment and hint of sadness. As usual, the most significant moments had nothing to do with the performances, the awards, nor the presentation of the event itself; it came from another intoxicated celebrity.
Parks and Recreation star Aubrey Plaza tried to pull a Kanye West maneuver on Will Ferrell, but ended up becoming a random apparition with a sloppily sharpied on movie promotion under her neck. Maybe it’s my undying love for Aubrey, but I thought that was the highlight of the show. Literally nothing else of importance happened.
 

I was banking on the opposite.

Between the infamous “Imma let you finish” of 2009, Nicki Minaj’s exorcism insanity of 2012, and the increasing ridiculous ménage of hosts and guest appearances throughout the past decade, the VMA’s were becoming the “so bad its good” award show that reflected the general mantra of its network. Now it just feels like its slipping back into a The Real World-like vapidness.

This saddens me, because I can’t bring my loyal readers the usual cornucopia of witty and

insightful remarks about a simple topic.

Instead, I’m opting to make witty and insightful remarks about a variety of topics!

Wolf

Tyler, The Creator put out his best work yet. The first half is surreal, mature, and emotional. The second half is a boring, and worse, retread of all of the unsavory bits of Goblin and Bastard. It’s worth a listen, particularly for Odd Future faithfuls, but it’s not worth many spins without gratuitous skips.

Jay-Z’s “Open Letter”

Jay-Z is one of the greatest, if not the greatest, rapper to ever touch a mic. However, I see no reason to drape laurels on average songs, even if they’re backed by a legendary reputation. Timbaland needs to stop making rap beats, this one just sounds like he opened a random sound kit he used a decade ago and threw a few together. I’m still waiting to punish whoever connected Swizz Beatz and Jigga, because no one wants Swizz anywhere near him ever again. The song has the promise of being personal, but instead it feels a distant and dressed up–utter exaggeration. It feels like a vain attempt to stay relevant in an industry Jay Z may finally be losing control over.

Mad Men Returns

Mad Men burns out after the first few episodes every season. I hope this new one is the exception.